Bacon Strip BandagesMay 4, 2022
Bacon Strip Bandages. Did you get a boo boo? Were you playing on the playground and got an ouchie? Treat your ouchie with the healing power of meat!
Flesh wounds are nothing to pork fun at, but what a lot of people don’t realize is that meat has incredible healing ability. Which is why we’ve decided to seek out the most delicious of all meats and turn it into bandages for your scrapes, bumps, and boo boos.
There is no tastier meat on earth than bacon.
Well, except unicorn meat but they are incredibly hard to hunt. You see, they are only found in insane asylums and are guarded by pixies. I saw one on my last visit, it was nice. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, bacon.
Not only is bacon tasty enough to deal with the horror that is the most ravenous of hunger, it’s also great for healing minor injuries too!
Did you kid fall down at the playground and scrape their knee? Slap some bacon on it!
Did you get a small paper cut working on useless paperwork that should have been an email? Slap some bacon on it!
So the next time you’re looking to add a little sizzle to your flesh wound, slap some bacon on it!
Note: This article is 10000% satire and should not be taken for actual medical advice. But the bacon bandages do look cool so they’re alright.